dream vs reality

This post will be a long one, bear with it :')

Have I ever told you here that this engineering thing/to be an engineer once was never my true passion? I have been dreaming to be a doctor since I was little. Cliche I know but every time I needed to tell others (my parents, teachers at elementary and secondary schools and friends) what I wanted to be, it had always been "a doctor". That cliche ambition stayed until I got my PMR results and it was still "a doctor", I said to myself. Thus pure science stream. Then I did pretty well in my SPM. Oh and, I was soooo into memorizing subjects (Chemistry and Biology to be precise). I once hated Physics so much because I had difficulty to understand the subject. 

When I had to apply for university and matriculation things, it was still "a doctor" or "something biology or chemistry thing". Hence, I was a bit speechless when it turned out to be "Engineering and Computer Science Foundation" at IIUM when the UPU result came out (but it was indeed one of my choices). I also received the offer from Pahang Matriculation Centre to do Bio Science. But I opted for IIUM. Ha ha ha, I know. 

Once again, I regretted my choice to accept the IIUM offer (after the choice of Engineering and Computer Sciene for UPU) earlier in CFS. Betul dik, akak pernah rasa menyesal gila babi sebab accept the foundation offer. Mulalah macam "apahal aku tak isi semua bio sience, jangan ada satu pun engineering". I was even thinking about changing to medicine or something related to biology and chemistry, ha ha. Tapi masatu aku fikir "tunggulah tengok first semester dulu macam mana" and bammm! I did so bad ha ha. So that was a goodbye to medicine. Jadi kekal dengan engineering walaupun masih blur what the hell engineering is all about. Serius. 

And then came main campus where all the challenges started. Aku malah pernah terfikir nak rebel. Macamtu la jiwa masa junior years sebab yelah, benda apa engineering ni pun kita sendiri tak sure. Lepastu fikir pasal subject Physics yang I once messed up back then during secondary school. Sebab dulu mindset aku hanyalah "Engineering is Physics". Bila dah dekat main camp barulah sedar dan tahu yang it is not only about Physics. It is also Mathematics and Calculus. Ha ha ha sekali lagi. Lega sikit beb. 

People say engineering is cool. Well the reality is not that cool. Tak cool mana pun. Some people even said "studying engineering is easy, you just need to memorize the formula(s)". Kahkah. Nak tersedak aku dengar ayat tersebut. Cerita hafal formula tu betul, tapi kalau sekadar hafal je tapi taktahu nak guna masa bila itu yang disaster. Jadi dulu-dulu selalulah terbit theory sendiri masa final exam sebab banyak sangat formula nak kena ingat sampai tak tahu yang mana satu nak kena guna, tak tahu formula yang ini untuk soalan mana. Thus, own formula is the solution, ha ha ha. Aku selalu buat macamtu, percayalah. 

Tapi senior years' subjects are not all about calculation anymore. They are not even much about complex Physics and Maths anymore. They are more on designing products and managing the engineering companies, what more if you are in manufacturing engineering. Those are most of the things that you have to deal with.

The thing is, choose wisely adik-adik. Jangan dah terhantuk baru nak menyesal macam aku. Ha ha walaupun dah tak ada dah rasa menyesal tu sekarang, but the what if's questions are still sometimes confusing me. 

I always wonder how my future will look like. But I always said to myself to keep trying my best today so the future will be smooth and good, InsyaAllah. 

p/s: I even feel like giving up approaching the end of my last semester, all thanks to FYP but I keep telling myself "sikit lagi, sikit lagi" repeatedly. May Allah bless and ease this journey for me and my friends :)